Embrace the Pause

When I first started Embrace Your Energy, I was convinced I could post a blog at least twice a month. However, considering it has been almost four months since my last blog, my goal was a bit of an overstatement. Although I tried to schedule multiple times to write, I couldn’t manage to find the time to produce anything. After a few weeks of feeling unmotivated and anxious, I decided to allow myself only to write when I felt inspired. That being said, unfortunately, it’s been four months since I have truly felt inspired. At the end of February, I was feeling a little lost. I decided to take March as a time to grow and care for myself. Although college comes with a lot of mental adjusting, there are many physical adjustments as well. Specifically, my health was at an all-time low. I was getting sick every month, and by the end of the year, I had survived the flu, strep, multiple viruses, and salmonella. Besides struggling health-wise, I was very happy mentally. The spring brought so many fun events and memories. I loved my friends, dorm, and classes; however, I still couldn’t figure out why I was struggling to feel inspired to write. It wasn’t recently, at dinner, that I realized my problem. I was extremely burned out. Sitting with my family in Bulgaria, we discussed the past year. After a long reflection, it came to our attention that we were all suffering from severe burnout. But why? What changed from previous years? If I was happy, why did I not have the energy to put my emotions into writing? Regardless of having one of my best years emotionally, I realized that college comes with many comparisons. Although I was happy with my life, I couldn’t help but feel like I was never doing enough. On the other hand, I also felt like I had no time to do anything. The amount of things demanded of us every second has become exhausting, and it has taken me a trip across the world to realize this. I have become so burned out from battling my immune system, burned out from feeling the constant need to improve, burned out from trying to be seen a certain way, and burned out from social media constantly telling me what to do to “improve.” Eat what you love, but be skinny. Go out and have fun, but find time to work out. Focus on yourself, but make connections. Work to get ahead, but also live your life. It got to the point where everything I did felt like a task, and everything “motivating” I was told left me anxious. Fortunately, when I came to Bulgaria, I allowed myself to just be. I have taken time to just walk around, embrace four-hour dinner conversations with family, and observe the slow and happy European life. Sure enough, I have gained back my inspiration. I finally allowed myself to stop feeling the need to constantly be doing something. I took the time to be thankful for where I am rather than where I feel like I should be. Finally, I let myself embrace every emotion and the phase of life I am in right now. Therefore, with no intention of ironically giving you another thing to do, it’s okay to stop and let yourself just be.